I started a blog when I graduated from high school. I was done with one major chapter of life. I was moving “back home” to attend San Francisco State University. I was ready for new things, I thought I should feel a new way. A mini-memoirist since my preteen years, I was always reflecting, always writing to myself (as opposed to Mr. Henshaw…) Surely this Moment needed to be documented. A Little Bit of Everything was born.
Back then everybody had a blog. Before Twitter and Tumblr, generation y (as we were called then) shared our thoughts and worked through everything on Xanga or Blogger. I never thought anyone would read anything I wrote, so my blog was a mix of deeply personal thoughts and utter nonsense. It was literally whatever was in my head when I felt like writing. So I changed the name to Nicole be Thinking.
Eventually, I did have an audience and my writing changed. I still wrote for myself but I grew more informed. I was more engaged with and conscious of the audience. I started writing to “y’all” and everyone from my roommates to my coworkers talked to me in real life about issues I grappled with and boys I liked. I’ve never wanted to be widely visible, but talking to people from the void I thought I was writing into made me feel seen.
Life changed around 2010. I was getting over a major break up, going out more, Tweeting constantly. I was out in the world being seen. I was making friends, living life, working jobs. I didn’t really want to write about everything anymore. I mean… I didn’t want to write Nicole be Thinking anymore. I never stopped wanting to write… I had a job in college access and scratched my itch by writing a college simulation, a few workshops, and hella tweets (sooo many tweets…). Eventually, I switched jobs, and opportunities for the kind of writing and thinking I wanted to do were few and far between. I revisited Nicole be Thinking a few times but it never felt right to add to it. Which made me feel kinda… stuck.
It took me a really long time, but I think I’ve found the writing outlet I need. I don’t want this to go away though. It encapsulates a really pivotal time in life. Sure, at some points it’s really embarrassing, but it shows how my thinking has evolved. It reminds me of simpler times and puts my current stress into perspective. Nicole be Thinking, and by extension, its readers were like my best friends for seven years. So I’m leaving it here for all of us in case anybody wants to have a reunion… ❤